I have a feeling this incident isn't over yet because Myrna will have something to say too. You do know it was Myrna's idea to buy this particular brand of suit, don't you? She said that's all they wore when she was in college. Jon, I don't know how old she is, but I have to tell you she is beautiful, and built better than I am."Now at this point, I decided discretion was the better part of valor and changed the subject. I started telling her what Koma and Pala had learned from our prisoner. She asked me a few questions and I answered them the best I could, and then told her about the visitors coming in the morning. We discussed our going home in a few days and what it would entail, and how long I thought I would have to wait around there to see if I had to testify."I don't expect to have to. They have an iron clad case and it is necessary for me to be there the first day of trial, but I will probably be free to leave after that. Quanta is tying up all the loose ends on his side to. I feel like a tenderised steak. And a jerk. Carly was just trying to help me, but I couldn't tell her that it was her causing the problem. And it wasn't really her I know, it was me... the way I felt about her. But I couldn't help it. Why couldn't she have been like everyone else... afraid of me, disdainful of me? Why did she have to keep thinking there was something special in me? Why did she have to make me feel like I was worth something? It only made it harder when I realised I wasn't – when I did stupid shit like this. I kicked at an empty can on the sidewalk, sending it skittering over the pavement.I shoved my hands deep in the pockets of my hoodie, my body aching. Why couldn't I just be normal? Why couldn't I stop doing these things? These things that hurt Carly, and hurt me. Why did I have to push everyone away?I stop, realising I'm outside my building. I head up wearily, trudging up the flights of stairs. I pause when I reach my door. I always have to psyche myself up before.
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